I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
