1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
People in love make me want to vomit
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
