just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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