I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
