Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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