The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize