u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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