oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
