I will die if light touches me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
