I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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