I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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