Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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