Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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