Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
