why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Text me some of your sweat
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize