One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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