I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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