I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
