just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
