Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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