I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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