STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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