well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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