community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
