Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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