So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
