I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
