No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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