I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
