I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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