I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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