ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my being single is dangerous.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
