I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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