he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
