why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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