her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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