y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
