i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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