i don't like sucking hair
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
