I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
