I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
