it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
