He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
These tits shall not be calmed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
