are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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