Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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