i think i have herpe
just one?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
