i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
