look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
