i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
