It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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