Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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