Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
