im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
