She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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