the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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