Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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