The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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