3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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