Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
