just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
