Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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