I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
