I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
